Parenting Secrets of a Chinese American Lawyer in California, Both Children are Law PhDs

***Successful Parenting Leads to Children’s Academic Achievements***

The path to success for children is diverse, but parents who can raise all their children to become Ph.D. holders are few and far between. In Southern California, Chinese lawyer Fang Xiaowei’s two children both hold doctorates in law, a tale celebrated within the community.

When Fang Xiaowei’s son graduated from high school and applied to colleges, he was simultaneously accepted by several prestigious institutions, including West Point Military Academy. His daughter, on the other hand, skipped high school after finishing middle school and went straight into university. At the age of 21, she obtained her Ph.D. and currently holds law licenses in three states.

In an exclusive interview, Fang Xiaowei shared that he doesn’t believe children need to be exceptionally intelligent to succeed. He emphasized the importance of parents tailoring their teaching methods according to their children’s abilities, implementing phased planning, and fostering outstanding character traits throughout their children’s growth.

The success story of Fang Xiaowei’s daughter is remarkable: she attended an excellent private school, skipped high school after graduating middle school, and directly pursued university coursework. After completing her undergraduate studies at 18, she entered the law school at the University of Virginia. By the age of 21, she had obtained her Ph.D. and acquired a license to practice law in Pennsylvania, followed by New York and California.

Fang Xiaowei pointed out that many Chinese children are hardworking, but due to a lack of initial planning by parents, it’s challenging to achieve substantial results. “Once we set goals for children, they know which path to take,” he said.

“We aim to help children clearly define their goals, make them understand each stage’s objectives very well, and know how to proceed,” Fang Xiaowei said. “Can your experiences accumulate? If they cannot, those experiences are useless. If they can, your foundation and abilities will continue to strengthen.”

He advised parents to carefully observe their children’s aptitudes and interests. “Some children have a special aptitude for numbers and could pursue accounting or statistics. Goals don’t need to be overly narrow but should have a general direction, with adjustments made within that range, tailored to the child’s needs.”

“After setting a big goal, you need early goals, midterm goals, long-term goals, or lifelong goals,” Fang Xiaowei suggested parents to pace themselves in setting goals. The ultimate goal may seem daunting, but when broken down into incremental small goals, children will find it less challenging.

Fang Xiaowei shared that his son started learning tennis at the age of three and began competing at six, reaching national competitions by the age of eleven or twelve. His dedication to rigorous training led to outstanding results, ranking among the top three in California and top four in the United States. Most students admitted to West Point Military Academy have tennis rankings of two or three stars, but his son’s ranking exceeded five stars.

At that time, the family and their son had envisioned becoming professional athletes. Consequently, when selecting a college, his son chose to forgo Ivy League schools. “It was too easy for him to get into an Ivy League school. Why didn’t he go? Because entering academically prestigious schools means zero chances for a (tennis) professional career,” Fang Xiaowei said. Ultimately, it was the child’s decision, with roughly half of his classmates pursuing careers as professional tennis players.

Although his son eventually became a lawyer, the rigorous tennis training not only set him apart in college admissions but also instilled in him a resilient character.

During a major national youth tennis competition, his son suffered leg cramps but persevered until the last moment, ultimately defeating his opponent. In that victorious moment, laying on the court in pain, Fang Xiaowei, as a father, couldn’t help but shed tears of admiration for his son’s tenacity.

Fang Xiaowei stated that Westerners do not entertain the notion of “surrender.” Facing challenges and giving it their all is how they earn respect from others. “That’s the purpose of our sports training—never give up easily,” he said.

He also highlighted two common mistakes Chinese parents make in their children’s upbringing: being either too busy and involved too little or micromanaging, essentially not allowing children to make their decisions. Striking a balance is crucial, as both attitudes hinder children’s growth.

Fang Xiaowei emphasized that parents need to be more attentive during their children’s growth process. For example, engaging in conversations with children when they return from school, discussing the day’s events, not only trains their thinking and expressive abilities but also helps children understand themselves, strengthening the parent-child bond. During adolescence, children particularly require parental attention and timely support and assistance.