In New York’s immigrant communities, an issue that cannot be ignored is emerging: the problem of left-behind children. Among these children, the younger ones are called “satellite babies”, who are sent to China shortly after birth and then brought back to the United States a few years later, typically before the expiration of their 5-year valid passport. They are referred to as “left-behind children” domestically, growing up while their parents work in other places.
Recently, a series of bullying incidents involving Chinese teenagers on 8th Avenue in Brooklyn highlighted this issue. Many “satellite babies” returning to the United States still face the challenges of being “left-behind children.” These children face a range of emotional confusion, sometimes leading to involvement in gangs or violent behavior. This is not only a challenge for society but also for families.
Although it is difficult to determine the exact number of people affected by this phenomenon, factors such as the peak of illegal immigration in Fujian in the 1990s, the decrease in illegal immigration after China’s economic development in the 2010s, and the resurgence of illegal immigration after the pandemic have all influenced this phenomenon. Locals say that nearly every family in New York’s Fujianese community has had a “satellite baby.”
Young people who immigrated illegally after the 1990s, mostly at a very young age, gradually settled abroad, repaid their debts from illegal immigration, and started families. However, with busy lives, lack of parenting knowledge, cultural and language differences, their children – most of whom are “satellite babies” – face more challenges in their upbringing.
These “satellite babies” born during the peak of illegal immigration in the 1990s are now adults in their thirties, often following in their parents’ footsteps. Many of today’s teenagers are the children of those “satellite babies,” also facing many challenges in their upbringing.
Huang Nicole, a former left-behind child who is now the president of a parent-child mutual aid association, deeply understands the feelings of these children because she herself grew up that way. Huang Nicole points out that the continuation of the phenomenon of “satellite babies” has brought many family and social issues.
Huang Nicole was entrusted to her relatives to take care of her from birth. In many places in Fujian, there is a preference for boys over girls, and Huang Nicole still remembers: there was more attention given to boys in her family.
Huang Nicole’s parents worked far away and were too busy to take care of her. So she stayed with a foster family, only seeing her parents once a year until she was 10 years old, when she finally returned to her parents and the entire family immigrated to the United States when she was 19.
Reflecting on her experience as a left-behind child, Huang Nicole said, “When I returned to my parents, I knew they were my parents, but there was no emotional connection between us.”
After not completing high school in China, upon arrival in the United States, although she had the opportunity to continue her education and attend high school, she had to work outside to help support the family. Within a week of arriving in New York, she went to work in a restaurant in another state.
“As soon as we arrived in the United States, we knew where to find a job. There is a job introduction agency exclusively for Fuzhou people here. At that time, everyone naturally followed this routine,” Huang Nicole said. The family of five originally rented a two-bedroom apartment on 8th Avenue, but within a month of arriving in the United States, they sublet one of the rooms because most of the family members had dispersed to work in other states.
At that time, Huang Nicole did not speak English and, dragging a suitcase, took a long-distance bus ride for over twenty hours to a Chinese restaurant in a strange city where her employer was to meet her. A stranger came to pick her up and took her to the dormitory. After work each day, she would be alone in her room, facing a group of strangers, staring blankly, not knowing what to do.
The following year, at the young age of 20, Huang Nicole was urged to get married. Most Fuzhou immigrants married early, and as part of the engagement process, the man had to bring gifts to the woman’s family. In 2007, the dowry was 38,000 yuan. Huang Nicole said, “Now it’s probably over a hundred thousand, prices have gone up. At that time, I had no foundation anyways… decided to get married, feeling like I was following the steps everyone else was following.”
After becoming pregnant, her husband and she worked in different states at their respective restaurants, only seeing each other every half a year, which was a common situation in many Chinese communities. Throughout the pregnancy, she arranged all the check-ups herself and went to the hospital alone to deliver the baby. When her son was born, she also had to learn to take care of him on her own. At around 22 years old, dealing with a crying and sick child, struggling to eat and sleep well, and even finding an empty fridge during the harsh winter left her feeling extremely overwhelmed. Those around her advised her to send the child back, and following the advice of friends and family, she sent her son back to Changle, Fujian, to be raised by his grandparents when he was five months old.
Due to the weak emotional foundation of their marriage, and despite having a son and a daughter within three years of marriage, the relationship quickly encountered problems. With repeated incidents of domestic violence, Huang Nicole eventually decided to divorce.
When making the decision to divorce, their children were only two and three years old, and the upbringing and custody of the children affected the lives of all four individuals. She chose to take her children and leave, despite the challenges of being a single mother raising two toddlers. She believed that the presence of her children was the meaning of her survival.
Facing opposition from her family, she remained determined. She said she would not abandon her children for the possibility of a second marriage because she did not want to regret her decision for her children’s future. She asked, “Can you guarantee that if you don’t have this child, my second marriage will be happy? What assurance do you have? When the child faces problems growing up, can you bear the self-blame, without any regrets? Even if the second marriage is happy, but your first child is suffering, what will you do? How will you balance your happiness with the child’s suffering experiences? If you can pass that emotional hurdle, then perhaps you can neglect the child.”
“My life has gone through that, but I can change my children’s future,” she said. Because she grew up as a left-behind child, she did not want to let her own children go through the same hardships. It was this conviction that led Huang Nicole to bring her children back to the United States and live with them in a rented house.
After her children arrived in the United States, living expenses increased. Huang Nicole inquired with various organizations and found that there were no specific benefits for single mothers. However, as long as the income is low, one can apply for welfare. A staff member at a Malaysian immigration agency helped her apply for welfare. She quickly received food stamps and childcare assistance, allowing her children to attend daycare.
During the day, she managed to find temporary jobs, although earning only $50 a day, it was enough to pay the rent. Food stamps helped her solve her daily food needs, and people even donated clothes for her children. After work, she could save some money through tax refunds. Huang Nicole said the government’s help helped them overcome difficulties, “The government really helped a lot, these benefits supported us and took us a long way.”
However, gradually, Huang Nicole felt overwhelmed. She said the children had various behavioral issues, and at school, her son faced the pressure of being placed in special education classes due to his behavioral challenges. Initially resistant to special education due to misunderstandings, she said, “My perception at that time was that my child wasn’t dumb, so why should he go to IEP?” It was only after the Administration for Children’s Services (ACS) intervened and provided support that the situation began to improve.
She explained that the school suspected her of child abuse or neglect, which led to a report to ACS. Facing a situation where ACS almost took her children away, she candidly reflected on her family situation and her children’s experiences.
“I have complete medical records and therapist records that prove I did not abuse my children. What mother can continuously take her child to major hospitals in Manhattan for check-ups, see behavioral specialists, and find therapists?” Huang Nicole said that after ACS’s investigation, they recognized that she had done her best and provided various assistance in resources.
Later, she learned that an Individualized Education Program (IEP) was tailored to help her child with special needs, using different methods to guide him. Due to teachers understanding the needs of special education children, her child made significant progress in learning.
Through the recommendation of a doctor, she also attended parent-child courses, where she was the youngest mother. “Before class, I felt like the sky was about to fall, but after hearing the shares of others, I felt that my situation was not that bad. Most people’s problems may be more severe, such as teenage issues, suicide, drug abuse, agoraphobia, etc.,” she said. Through the parent-child course, she learned more methods for educating her children. The assessment results showed that her child needed more emotional and behavioral management help.
Reflecting on this experience, she felt deeply. She said, “Our parents’ generation usually used scolding as a way to educate us without considering that each child has a different personality and may need different communication methods. Later, I understood that communication has its techniques. For example, in the past, when I received a call from a teacher, I would explode, thinking that the child had caused trouble again and would blame him when I got home. The child would feel accused, become depressed, and refuse to communicate with me. In reality, he may have experienced another story before complaining at school. We always overlooked his feelings, only seeing the result of the situation without understanding the reasons behind it.”
“Later, I learned that communication is a skill, such as telling the child in this way: ‘Today I received a call from the school, and the teacher told me what happened at school.’ Describing the event in this manner without emotion, rather than directly blaming the child. The former is querying, and the latter is qualitative judgment. These are two different ways,” she elaborated.
She added, “It’s a long process that requires changing your way of thinking. When my child’s behavioral problems were serious, I felt very desperate, physically weak to the point of not being able to get out of bed, crying all day, and even having thoughts of suicide, and no one around could see why you were in pain. That’s when I realized that my thinking was problematic. While taking my child to see a therapist, I also received therapy and medication.”
She openly admitted her emotional shortcomings, often feeling overwhelmed and self-blame. She was confused and helpless about the reasons for her child’s behavior, unable to provide adequate emotional support. It was only after consulting with a therapist that she realized this.
“I then thought, why can’t these parent-child courses be offered to mothers earlier? They could have started the classes during pregnancy. Therefore, I founded the non-profit organization ‘New York Parent-Child Mutual Aid Association,’ slowly starting it.
Such changes not only helped her children but also allowed her to grow emotionally. “So throughout this whole process, I learned the most important thing, which is communication. Don’t judge people based on preconceived ideas; instead, understand what happened to them and why. Communicate with love and kindness, only then can this path be cleared. Otherwise, you can’t even handle it yourself, not to mention the children,” she said.
In March 2016, a tragedy occurred in the Fuzhou community on 8th Avenue, where a two-year-old girl drowned in a bathtub at home. The mother was convicted of manslaughter for pressing the child’s head underwater as a form of punishment for wetting her pants, and was sentenced to 18 years in prison. The case revealed that the mother had been adopted as a child, and her childhood was also very unfortunate.
In January 2017, a couple from Changle, Fujian reported to the police in Ohio that their 5-year-old daughter was missing, and the police found the girl’s body in the freezer of their restaurant. Following an investigation, the girl’s head had suffered severe injuries with multiple bruises on her body, and her parents were arrested. The mother admitted that due to the heavy workload in the restaurant, feeling overwhelmed and with no help, she tossed the child onto the ground, unable to control her emotions.
The common denominator in these two cases is that the motives of the two Fujianese perpetrators are related to their mental states, highlighting the issue of the mental health of Chinese immigrants living in the United States. Huang Nicole said these cases reflect that under stress, Chinese immigrants may resort to incorrect and extreme parenting methods, “Their experiences are actually very typical.”
She said, “Until the ‘satellite babies’ reach adolescence, you can’t see how significant the societal problems are. The biggest challenge now is that many parents do not see this as a problem. In this community, many families are still struggling to make a living and cannot afford to care too much, coupled with the fact that many parents themselves have a lower level of education, they are unable to help their children thrive in American education. They work tirelessly every day, have no time to communicate with their children.” After the “satellite babies” return, the parents neglect them and leave them to other relatives, lacking the necessary emotional support.
“In the continual process of being shuttled back and forth, children are easily led astray and may even join gangs. Because they do not receive care at home, they seek recognition outside and engage in acts of violence. In these groups, they feel powerful, walking the streets, feeling that everyone fears them, when in reality they’re just seeking some sense of value. They take the wrong path, and it can be difficult for them to turn back,” Huang Nicole said.
She mentioned that in Fujianese families, one situation is that both parents do not care for the child, sending the child directly back to China and only bringing them back to the U.S. when they are five years old, placing them in the care of other relatives. Another situation is where the husband works in another state, leaving the wife to raise the child alone. Yet another scenario is when the parents divorce, and the child is sent back to China and never given the chance to return since their passports have expired, requiring signatures from both parents to renew them, but neither parent can be found, leaving the child with the grandparents. “These children can only wait until they are adults and go to the consulate by themselves. As minors, even if their passports are not expired, if they can’t find the parents, they can’t leave the country. Such children often hold deep resentment towards their parents,” she said, noting that there are many such children, but there is a lack of official specific data statistics.
Huang Nicole once encountered a 14-year-old girl who arrived in the United States at the age of 12. The girl’s mother sought help from Huang Nicole because the girl refused to go to school and spent the whole day smoking at home. The mother worked in another state and rarely returned home, leaving the girl with her uncle, who could not control her, and pressed the mother to come back. As a single mother, the woman thought she needed to work to support herself but at the same time was avoiding her daughter’s issues.
The girl refused to attend school due to language barriers, as she could not understand the curriculum and potentially faced discrimination at school. With no one really caring for her, the uncle provided basic living needs, but was unable to have deep conversations with her. “Her smoking is actually due to inner pain. There is a huge difference between the living conditions in China and the crowded living conditions in 8th Avenue she experienced. Not mentally prepared for the sudden transition to a strange and difficult environment, she naturally developed resentment, believing her mother neglected her for many years and still not caring for her by bringing her to the U.S.,” Huang Nicole explained.
She mentioned how the girl would play games loudly in the living room late at night in their shared house, not considering the feelings of others, nor the need for rest for other housemates returning from restaurant work. “She’s used to being free, and suddenly, she is placed in communal living standards. She can’t handle it either,” Huang Nicole added.
Furthermore, Huang Nicole stated that conflicts among teenagers are often overlooked by schools, and these problems often stem from the family. She once asked the teenagers involved in fights why they behaved that way, and they said it was to relieve stress because nobody taught them how to behave at home.
Among these children, some have dropped out of school and become troubled teenagers on the streets. Due to parents’ neglect, grandparents’ inability to take control, and schools’ ineffectiveness, “with no one to turn to the wild children, society is their only discipline,” Huang Nicole lamented.
“Now, the community’s drug problem is very serious, and there are increasingly more cases of teenagers with drug issues,” she said, expressing her dismay. “There are always many helpless things in the community. We see so much, consult so much, now the problems are drugs and gambling, it will only get worse.”
Huang Nicole mentioned how in 2021, New York City expanded the “3-K for All” program, providing free, all-day, high-quality early childhood education for three-year-old children, which greatly benefited the Fujianese community.
She highlighted that since the promotion of the 3-K program, the cases where children were sent back to China to be cared for have significantly decreased. Previously, children started school at the age of four, but now, at three, they can receive free education, reducing the economic burden of early parenting. “Early parenting expenses are very high, but since the 3-K program was expanded, children can be brought back at three years old, and the earlier they are brought back, the better, to avoid the psychological issues caused by foster care.”
She said that during the pandemic, many people couldn’t return, and children couldn’t come out. The “satellite babies” sent away before the pandemic are now preparing to return. She advised these parents to have open and honest discussions with their children, doing some mental preparation to help them emotionally cope with the upcoming significant life changes, “Inform them of what process they will go through. Let them know everything so they won’t be surprised.”
Huang Nicole emphasized that before the age of twelve, parents should spend more time with their children, create parent-child bonding time, and make their children feel loved and valued. Parents should introduce their children to the beauty of the world, “If you are capable, take them out and show them around, don’t confine them to one space. Some moms raising their children choose not to go out, claiming to have social anxiety, but then hope their children are sociable, which is impossible. Then she blames herself while blaming the child. In reality, she’s trapped in endless misery,” Huang Nicole advised.
“The community can hold various activities to help parents integrate into society and learn how to deal with life’s challenges, assisting them in learning how to cope with their children. Some parents lack the desire to learn, which is terrible. For example, when her child goes to school, she could spend some time learning English