In an interview, Dr. Warren Farrell mentioned that the likelihood of boys dropping out of high school is much higher, and the chances of them attending college are lower, especially given that campus shooting cases are often associated with boys, particularly those from high-conflict divorced families, where these boys often lack paternal involvement.
Six years ago, Warren Farrell and John Gray published the groundbreaking book “The Boy Crisis: Why Our Boys Are Struggling and What We Can Do About It,” which detailed how boys are falling behind in many key indicators of success and happiness.
So, what are the latest developments on this issue?
“Male suicide is more frequent for a reason, which we haven’t delved into,” said Farrell.
Farrell, a longtime prominent feminist, shifted his focus to male issues when he noticed significant discrepancies in male and female dialogues. He has authored several books, including the bestsellers “The Myth of Male Power” and “Why Men Earn More.”
In his latest work, “Role Mate to Soul Mate: The Seven Secrets to Lifelong Love,” Farrell delves into crucial wisdom for enhancing relationships and communication, drawing from decades of couples counseling findings.
“The Boy Crisis refers to the fact that boys lag behind on multiple measurable indicators: they are more prone to suicide than girls, with boys aged 15-19 having a suicide rate four times that of girls, escalating to five times higher in the 20-24 age group. They are more susceptible to drug addiction and overdose, as well as gaming addiction. While some gaming is acceptable, if boys play video games for 15 hours or more per week, it’s nearing addiction. Boys are at a higher risk of dropping out of high school and are less likely to attend college. Even if they do go to college, their dropout rate is 10% higher than that of girls.
“When I submitted the research proposal for ‘The Boy Crisis’ to the publishers, I listed ten reasons contributing to the crisis and planned to write a chapter for each reason. However, I discovered that most reasons were interconnected, with one factor showing a clear cause-and-effect relationship.
“The primary cause of the Boy Crisis is the absence of fathers, impacting more profoundly than any other single factor. I witnessed the significant impact of fatherlessness, with a stronger correlation with suicide rates than any other factor. During large-scale shooting incidents, the issue isn’t primarily about gender, guns, or family values, although they are factors. I found that particularly in school shooting cases, the perpetrators are often boys from severely conflicted divorced families, lacking paternal guidance.
“Thus, I realized the severity of father absence, reflected in high school dropout rates, graduation rates, and drug overdose deaths, with no signs of improvement. In recent years, the average life expectancy gap between men and women has increased to 5.9 years. Several years ago, around the time of ‘The Boy Crisis’ publication, this gap was about 5.2 years,” Farrell explained.
A recent article by The Wall Street Journal titled “Young American Males Are Falling Further Behind” discusses how pandemic policies have exacerbated these issues. Dr. Farrell provided a detailed explanation regarding this.
“One reason is that when there’s an online course, girls excel in recording, absorbing, and recalling information to ace exams. On the other hand, boys often need hands-on activities or projects to engage effectively. They typically perform well when actively involved, especially in tasks requiring physical interaction.
“However, when they need to sit at home and listen to lectures, they tend to get distracted, bored, becoming passive and disinterested, diminishing their motivation to study, leading to a significant increase in failure rates.
“Women tend to confide their feelings and fears to female friends, who offer support. In contrast, boys struggle to express emotions and fears to male or female friends.
“The root of this lies in how girls perceive boys when expressing emotions, especially when they are in romantic relationships. Women tend to lose respect for men who complain or appear fragile in some ways. On the other hand, when men express vulnerability to other men, they usually receive about a minute of attention, before being discounted if they continue. This societal dynamic often compels boys to suppress emotions, which can lead to alcohol use or emotional bottling up, culminating in outbursts. Hence, isolation for males is exceedingly perilous during the pandemic and beyond,” Farrell commented.
“However, there may be some positive solutions now,” Dr. Farrell mentioned, “for instance, high schools could provide more vocational training to offer diverse development paths for boys. Unfortunately, schools have reduced vocational training rather than increasing it.
“Additionally, more rest time is necessary. The CDC found that engaging in physical activity after completing a set amount of work minutes is more beneficial for learning efficiency than solely focusing on assignments. This is especially crucial for boys, a factor often overlooked by schools.
“If a boy grows up in an environment lacking paternal involvement and then enters a school with a scarcity of male teachers, he often feels a lack of genuine male role models. Consequently, male role models become gangs, inviting him to be part of their faction.
“However, these gangs lack paternal guidance and involvement, lacking the capacity for self-discipline and adherence to norms, essential for success. Thus, many fatherless boys face these challenges,” Farrell explained.
The article also delved into the historical context, outlining how the current situation has evolved into its current predicament.
“In the early stages of my career, I served on the board of the National Organization for Women in New York City,” Farrell revealed, “I thought of myself as one of the most significant male feminists globally, advocating for the importance of women’s rights worldwide.
“Even then, within the early feminist movement, there was strong male resentment, and even among early feminists, criticism of the traditional family structure was prevalent. However, overall, I believe the positive aspect of the early feminist movement was delivering a message of ‘I am a woman, and I am strong,’ attempting to empower women.
“Nowadays, many feminist movements have shifted from ‘I am a woman, and I am strong’ to ‘I am a woman, and I am unjustly treated,’ highlighting countless examples of gender injustice. While I am a proponent of women’s rights, I hope it evolves into a two-way dialogue rather than a monologue. Both men and women endure challenging times, but the higher male suicide rate needs to be addressed more concretely. When I began organizing male groups, I heard many stories: ‘I was a musician, aspiring to be the next John Lennon. I had some decent performances opportunities, but the income wasn’t enough to support my life and child.’ Artists, writers, actors, have similar stories.
Hence, I observed in male groups, that before the birth of their first child, they had fulfilling jobs, then felt compelled to relinquish these due to economic constraints – the more satisfying the profession, the more competition it attracts,” Farrell expressed.
Thirty years ago, when Dr. Farrell began teaching couple communication, he imparted wisdom on avoiding a defensive stance when responding to criticism. However, when a couple returns home, criticism tends to resurface, leading to a loss of wisdom. To address this, Farrell refined six mindsets that couples found most effective in accepting criticism, viewing it as an opportunity to deepen their love – even amidst critiques. His new book, “Role Mate to Soul Mate: The Seven Secrets to Lifelong Love,” guides couples on achieving this.
“Over the years, I have been conducting seminars on ‘Role Mate to Soul Mate’ communication for couples, where I unearthed a deeper prediction. The fatal flaw of humans is developing a defensive mindset when faced with criticism,” Farrell remarked.
“In the seminars, I recommend people avoid defensiveness when criticized, to which they all agreed. Yet, once back in real life, this wisdom dissipates when criticism arises. It dawned on me that a method needs to be developed to help people repeatedly practice altering their brain’s response to criticism, perceiving it as an opportunity for a deeper love. Learning how to achieve this bears intrinsic value in itself,” he acknowledged.
He stated that in organizing “Role Mate to Soul Mate” seminars, he was drawn to the deeper layers beyond assisting boys and men, outside of just paternal involvement.
“However, in achieving this in ‘The Boy Crisis,’ the pivotal importance lies in fostering effective parental communication, allowing children to witness constructive parental interactions. When parents know how to resolve conflicts constructively, listen to each other, and enhance intimacy, children notice this. They learn how to communicate with friends and understand how to communicate with their future children. In turn, divorce rates decrease, resulting in fewer children primarily raised by mothers, alleviating the phenomenon I term fatherlessness.
Essentially, the ability of parents to communicate in a mutually understanding and listening manner, no matter the issue, enables each other to feel seen and heard, and children can perceive and understand existing differences. When fathers and mothers achieve this, resolving conflicts and accepting each other’s differences even when opinions clash, this serves as a prime example for children,” Dr. Farrell elucidated.